10 SIGNS YOU KNOW YOUR LDR IS NOT WORKING




We are all familiar with stories of couples who tried long distance that did not work out. They tried to fight the odds but unfortunately, they were not in their favor and made them miss out on their happy ending. This might be why many people are skeptical about long distance relationships and find that it is not worth the risk. The thing is that issues that can be left unspoken in normal relationships for a long time will come to light much faster and stronger when you are in a long distance relationship. It is therefore even more important to keep a close eye on developments and changing dynamics between the two of you to make sure you are still on the right path, or you will lose grip on the situation. This is why many long distance relationships do not work out. Let us discuss a couple of signs that show things are not going so well in your ldr and need to be addressed.


Lack of communication

This one comes back very often, but that is because it is one of the most crucial components to make the relationship work. Communication is the base of every relationship and even more in an ldr. If you are not able to communicate with your partner in a healthy way this is a red sign. Also, if you see a decrease in communication between you and your partner for a prolonged period of time without the willingness to improve it, it can be a sign that your ldr might be going to an end.


Boring

If you find that you relationship is getting boring it is important to find something to sparkle it up. It is very easy to fall into a rut, but do try to keep things fresh and exciting. Long-term feelings of boredom can lead to a disinterest in the relationship and eventually to a break up.


You do not talk about the future

Talking about your future is essential in any relationship, but even more crucial for ldr couples. If you do not talk about plans and goals together, it might be that you and your partner are not seeing a future together as a couple, even though the goal of an ldr is to be finally united and live together. Are you working towards the same objectives, short term or long term? Do you guys talk about this and work together to achieve these or are you living parallel lives? These are important questions to ask yourself if you want to know whether you are investing into something might not last.


Lack of support

Not having the support of your partner during your ldr is a very bad sign. Supporting each other during difficult times is a big part of being in an ldr. Especially because you will most likely be the only couple around that are experiencing this, so you only have each other for empathetic support. Yes, it definitely helps if friends and family are supportive, but they won’t really know what you are going through, as they have (most likely) never done it themselves. If you feel that you are not receiving the support you need it can break your relationship.

You are putting all the effort

If you feel like you are putting in all the effort and your partner isn’t delivering anything, that is also not a good sign. Are you for example the only one that asks to video call, text or call, but your partner never shows this initiative? Are they just “rolling with it” instead of putting in the energy that you have been giving? This will create an imbalance between the two of you that you need to recalibrate. The energy that is required might not always be easy, but is it essential to show each other that you are serious about the relationship, determined to make it to the finish line and care about the other person. When a relationship gets lopsided, the one making all the effort might feel over exhausted and unappreciated and feel like it will not work out.


Jealousy

Jealousy is as old as the sun, and being jealous occasionally is not uncommon. However, jealousy can be harmful if it isn’t controlled. If you see constant jealousy triggers from your partner or yourself it can be a indication of insecurity or possessiveness. Talk about uncertainties with your partner to reduce the amount of anxiety they experience. In exchange, they should try their absolute best to trust you and keep themselves calm, as trust is one of the pillars of a healthy relationship and if not honoured, it may break it.


No sparkle

If you stop feeling that special warmth for the other person, that might be problematic. You just don't feel the sparkle anymore for each other while talking, writing or thinking about the other. Losing the sparkle in an ldr is big worry that many people have. You could try to spice things up a little as things like boredom, tiredness, sadness or emotional overload may dampen this feeling, but you should always feel some sparkly connection to the other, as they are supposed to have a special place in your heart. If, however, nothing helps to bring this back there is unfortunately not a lot you can do. Love is a complex and a not yet fully understood phenomenon.


No hype feeling at the reunion

Reunions are suppose to be exciting and happy. You are finally going to see each other again since a long time! While before the arrival of your partner you may still be under the weather, as some only really start to emotionally realize it once they are face to face with their significant other, if you don’t feel happy or excited once your partner is finally there, it might be a sign that you are losing interest.


Intimacy

Intimacy can be complicated but is very important in an ldr. Couples need to discuss their expectations and their needs closely because due to the distance, it is more difficult to get to the level of intimacy you would normally experience if you were with each other in person. If you feel as if there is not enough intimacy between you two, you need to address this or it could create a emotional distance that is difficult to recover from.

It does not feel right

This one might be a bit vague, but sometimes it just does not feel right. That feeling you get in your stomach, what we call a gut feeling. That time you just know something is not right about your relationship. This can be for example insecurity or maybe you just don't feel comfortable with each other anymore. It could be when you first meet each other in person or after going through a serious situation together where somebody showed their true colours. Whatever it is, this gut feeling makes you incapable of trusting the other person and this is detrimental to the relationship.


Now these points are only an indication that something is not going right, but if you find yourself ticking off some of the points here it does not necessarily mean the end of your relationship. If you are both willing to work to overcome the situation and find a way to get back on track you can be very successful, despite the couples that did not get there. Being open to discuss the things that you feel aren’t going so well will not only allow you to get into a better position and solve the problem, but will make your relationship stronger and more resilient than before.


With love,


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© 2019  Chery and Nathan